Gingerade

This week’s blog was brought to you by Gingerade®
It’s like Gatorade but… it’s got ginger in there!

(Just like your mom’s vagina when she met Ron Weasley)

Well.  Let’s have a talk, shall we?

On Monday, I interviewed my first big political figure.  The ex-governor of New Mexico.  Also a former US ambassador to the United Nations.

We all know how politicians are, and I expected him to be the same.  Weaselly.  Full of hot air.

But no, he was actually a real cool dude.

…Although I have to mention his make-up lady (since apparently all politicians need one).  This woman comes strolling in four minutes before our interview, dabbed his face a couple of times with that one make-up brush that looks like a giant powdered tampon, and then stuck us with a bill for 300 dollars.  I was like…

“Wut bitch?”

She said, “What was that?”

To which I immediately responded, “Nothing!”

And then under my breath, I called her a bitch again.

So I clearly got the last laugh there.

The interview took place in Santa Fe, New Mexico, where my parents used to have a summer home, which I hated.  Oh, it was the worst.  The house was in the middle of nowhere.  In fact, that’s what Santa Fe feels like: “the middle of nowhere.”  Even in the center of the city, where there are people walking around and shit.  Middle of nowhere.

Also worth noting, this was the first time I traveled for work in 2018, which is surprising after how much I traveled for work at the end of last year.  One month with no flights?  Felt weird.  Although I think we are going to make that up in February.  We are either going to Seattle next week to expand on our aquamation story, or…

Haiti.

Two drastically different places from each other, I know, and I REALLY hope we go to Haiti, because, duh!  I’ve never been there, and I’ll always take the new country over anywhere else.  My idea for the story is to go there and follow a popular Haitian rapper named Princess Eud, and then tie her experience with the Haitian earthquake in with the anniversary of the Japanese Tohoku earthquakes (March 11th).  It’ll be a great story if it happens, but before it does: we need approval from Tokyo.

Princess Eud is only in Haiti from the 6th-15th, which leaves the next seven days open.  The Reporter doesn’t think Tokyo will approve our trip, no matter how excellent the story is, this short of notice—BUT!—there’s always a chance.  If Ivanka Trump can be the First Lady of the US, then I can get sent to do a story in Haiti!

What??  Who the hell is “Melania”?  I’ve never seen or heard of such a woman.  Okay smartass, who is the one always standing next to Trump?  Ivanka, exactly.

I would be doubly excited about going Haiti too since, I just found out the company isn’t sending me to Japan this year for journalist training!  I gotta wait til next year, at least.  So, I’m wondering; do I go there for vacation on my own this year?  I’ve got 22 vacation days this year.  I would like to do at least 2 new countries this year, maybe 3, or maybe 15.  So I am open for suggestions for where I should go.  Any of you heathens reading this, assuming you aren’t American (and haven’t ever left your mom’s trailer house), then bestow me with your ideas on where I should go.  Preferably somewhere where I am a minority.

Because let me be honest with you: I love being in the minority.  There’s nothing better.  To me, it’s never good to be in the bigger group.  And it sure as fuck isn’t cool doing what everyone else is doing.  The greater population is dumb.  I don’t want to be associated with that.

And for minorities, let me give you a little message: being white isn’t all that great.  Being white is great when you are in another country.  You can get away with more shit typically.  And you stand out, so it’s easier to meet chicks because you offer variety.  You are exotic.

I have a good friend of mine, who is just like me, in a million ways.  He just happens to be black.  He has slept with hundreds of Swedish girls.  I lived with some cute Swedish girls in college, and have even traveled to their country.  Know how many Swede’s I’ve banged?

A big fat ZERO.

My black friend’s theory is that, he doesn’t look like them, at all, and I look just like them.  They don’t want a Scandinavian looking American.  They want something they can’t get in their homeland.  Grade A, prime black meat.

Anyways.  For minorities and people IN the minority, take a second and appreciate that shit.  Being different is being cool, especially if you know how to leverage that shit.

Just my two cents.

Tread on, cock goblins.