Whencesoever

Wacky Wednesday bitches!  Holy shit, it feels like everyday has been Wacky Wednesday.  Shit has been wacky, weird, and—quick, think of another ‘w’ word—uh, WANDERLUST!

No!  I meant “waffles!”

“Wanda Sykes!”

“Something pertaining to how busy I am at work!”

Oh shit.  Can we talk about how busy I am?

I am the busiest I have ever been at work.  Ever.  In my entire career of this particular job that I’ve had for 7 months.  7 LONG MONTHS OF MY LIFE, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

Holy shit imagine having the same JOB for 7 years.  The same shit.  The same title.  The same duty.  The same fugly coworkers to stare at.  Everyday.  For 7 years.  Does anybody out there know anyone like that?  Can you get their autograph for me?

Let me fill you in on what I’ve been up to.

Two weeks ago, I was in Napa “Wine Country” Valley chasing fires.  Here’s some photos:

And a bonus video (in case you forgot what fire looked like):  FIRE!!

Today I went to the US/Mexico border to look at prototypes of the “Trump Wall”.  Here’s a photo:

And tomorrow I am traveling to Texas to meet with people who find bodies of Mexican migrants who cross the border, underestimate the heat, die in the desert, and then these people use DNA tests and databases to try to identify them and connect them with their loved ones back home.  To say that their son Hector is dead.  And then they mail him a skeleton of young Hector’s skull.  So that’s interesting.

Next week I am interviewing someone who… well, let’s just say he once appeared on a John Oliver sketch.  And by appeared, I mean “John Oliver did an entire segment dedicated to verbally decapitating this man”.  Because the man is evil.  And now I’m supposed to go in and have a civil interview with the guy.

If you’ve talked to me recently, you know that I’ve been aspiring to go to Germany mid-November to cover the COP 23 climate conference in a city called Bonn, and even though the date is fast approaching, I still don’t know if our team can go or not.  It’s going to come down to a last-minute decision, which is really how everything goes in the news business.  But considering our LA team has been piecing this huge story together almost single-handedly, it would be a huge injustice if Tokyo didn’t let us go.

But assuming I do get to go, I’ll have to extend the trip and take some personal days off to explore Germany, since I am more German than any other ethnicity, and proof of that is that some people used to call me “Nazi” in high school.

But the real reason I want to go?

I must sample the sausages.

…And i mean that in the least homoerotic way possible.  Since a man can’t talk about “eating sausage” without it sounding like a cock-guzzling reference.  I felt a clarification was necessary.

Well, it’s late October, and it’s nearly 100 degrees in Los Angeles.  Not too shabby!  All of you fucks in cold tundras and dwelling in caves can feel free to come visit this winter.  Open door policy.  Just bring gifts.

And if you are coming from Japan, those gifts can be “used-panties from a vending machine”.  I’m quite fond of those.  Always have been, and my closet full of them proves that.