OH BOY, HERE I GO, BLOGGING AGAIN!! [blows kiss]
Welcome back to the blog. This time, I swear I’m wearing pants, don’t worry!
So I’m back in Chicago. I worked at the ol’ Irish bar for Saint Patrick’s Day, and that was a shitshow. And I mean it in the sense that, I, Darby, was that shitshow. I was up at 8 AM, went to watch the river being dyed green at 10, and first beer was in hand by 10:30. I continued drinking on an average rate of 1.5 beers/Irish carbombs an hour for the next eight hours until I had to go in to work. And there’s not many workplaces where that kind of pregame ritual would fly, but a traditional Irish saloon is one of them!
Isn’t life great?
So, I’m thinking about going to Egypt in a couple weeks. Egypt? How’s that sound to you? If it sounds terrible, please let me know in the comments below.
Colombia was fun, that’s where I just got back from. During my last couple of days there, my fucking cousin Melvin just showed up out of nowhere and surprised me inside of a Hooters! I was like, “Well I’ll be darned!” And then someone threw a towel over my boner and I was carried out of the restaurant like a garden gnome statue.
Here’s a pic of me and said cousin being fabulous:
My other favorite memories of the trip were when some guy tried to fight me because I turned the light on in a hostel bathroom while he was in there showering and I… “ruined the mood.” Bro, don’t be jacking off in a fucking shared public bathroom at 7 PM and this wouldn’t happen! I knew just how to push the guy’s buttons though so when he came at me wearing fucking soccer goalie gloves (implying he was going to murder me in them), I said all the right things to get him kicked out of the hostel and not get myself kicked out.
Two days after that—also taking place in the city of Medellin—I was out and about, leaving a club at 3 AM and somehow got myself tangled with some guy in a red hat, who was feeding me a steady supply of 2CB, which led to… me getting robbed clean of all my goods by a couple of hookers on the street.
And if you’re like, “What’s 2CB?” that’s exactly what I was asking myself.
And so I had to try it again to confirm it was what I thought it was, some pink powder you snort and is like a type of super-cocaine. Me and Melvin went to a party in Bogota where everyone there was just snorting this shit openly, guys and girls, absolutely out of their faces, and the party was still going strong when we left the place at 10:30 AM on a Wednesday morning.
Ahh, vacation…
The last thing I’d like to speak on is about what’s going on in Ukraine right now, with the invasion and shit. That sucks. That really sucks. But it shouldn’t surprise anyone. Global domination, that is the endgame here for all these global superpowers, right? Like a game of Risk, an empire must expand and conquer. And so it really sucks that Ukraine had to be located where it was.
Having lived in the Ukrainian capital a few years ago, I’m very fortunate that I got to see things before they got fucking exploded and blown up. Kiev is a gorgeous city. I have fond memories of my three months living there: of Puzata Hata, probably the best fast food restaurant of all-time. Seeing the Chemical Brothers live. The old-fashioned subway system where homeless people are banned from entry. Drinking homemade brandy and barbecuing with a brigade of warm, inviting faces. My friends Alexei, Gleb, Hannah, Nadin… ProRock, the best bar in the city, with amazing steaks and constantly revolving selections of flavored beers. The ubiquitous karaoke spots. The short, “erotic-comedy” I starred in. And there is so much I’m forgetting.
Seeing the Ukranian flag swaying all over Chicago makes me happy, but it also pisses me off. How many of these people really know a damn thing about Ukraine? How many of them have actually been there? No, I’m not saying that only people who have been there can support it, but come on—how many people actually travel and live for the moment, knowing that this can all end at any time? Maybe Covid was a wake up, a impetus for people to climb out of their caves and see the world, before a war comes along and destroys that bridge they have to the outside world…?
Or maybe not.
