Hey, remember when I told you all I would be doing a big Thailand story this week? I lied. Because FUCK YOU MOTHER (*tries to shiv you, blade goes in own eye*)
Actually, the real reason I decided to hold off was because I heard of another potentially novel way I could orate my story:
Via PODCAST (*strikes gong, tile falls out of ceiling and lands on head*)
Let me tell you something about podcasts:
I know nothing about them. I thought it was just a fancy word for an online radio-show, but apparently you can have videos and shit too. Okay.
I’m not sure why people have such a fetish for podcasts; maybe because they are lonely, sad people who need to listen to others blab about some random shit, lest they remain alone with the voice inside their heads and have to use their brains to think. I did NOT say that out loud, did I? No. They can’t hear this voice. I am just saying all this in my head, and there’s no way that—OH MY GOD my words are appearing on screen! What!? How?? Oh wait, that’s right: these new Mac-Books can read your thoughts. Kinda creepy, but… that’s fine! That is what freedom is all about, right?
In other news, Google said they are considering bringing Google Fiber (their mega fast internet service) to… Chicago.
(*fires uzi into the air, stray bullet hits cloud, cloud had a family*)
That is great news because currently Comcast has a monopoly over the entire city. Comcast is synonymous with evil. They are the Nazis. A little worse than the Nazi’s actually, since my internet speeds matter more than Jewish people. Comcast has rates that are ludicrous and unwarranted, they use data caps, and they have thee worst customer service in this whole godforsaken country. So if Fiber comes, they will liberate us from these chains and deliver us to faster, cheaper internet, so we can STAND UP, and…
SIT DOWN, because with internet that fast, who needs to leave the house for any reason whatsoever? That LAZY FUCKIN’ DOG CAN WALK HIMSELF.
And yes I saw the new Star Wars (a whole three days after it hit theaters). It was the first time since Avatar that I saw a smash-hit box-office record-breaking movie and liked it. Usually no. Usually movies made for the masses are hollow, soul-less wastes of life, filled with pretty explosions and gaping plot holes… like Jurassic World! (Plot Holes that Totally Ruined Jurassic World)
The American movie-goer votes with their money, and they have voted that they want more sequels, and more super-homos heroes. Which is nice, to see something like the new Star Wars (whatever the subtitle is), which feels both fresh and old at the same time. The “quality” part from the original work is there. It paid homage but delivered a new story. It didn’t just take Robo-Cop, Poltergeist, or some other 80’s classic and expect to make money on the source material nostalgic value alone! It’s sad really, when I hear they are making a remake/reboot/sequel of a classic movie, I don’t even get excited anymore. I get depressed.
And THAT is why I love foreign and independent movies. Hollywood can stick it.
