Okay guys, as much as I like to “rep my hood” and shit, I have to admit something, and that something is this:
Chicago is turning into a pretty big shithole.
Yes, my home town, which I once thought objectively think of as a great city of the world, which has had a bit of a reputation for being dangerous at times–even to the point of earning the moniker “Chi-raq”–this city has gone pretty much downhill.
Let me start with the shootings. The shootings are now happening–everywhere.
Before, it was secluded to one part of the city–the South side. Okay fine, and a bit of the West side. But now? They are happening everywhere.
My sister saw the aftermath of a shooting. Like, she saw the smoke that was fired from guns hanging in the air. A waitress from my favorite bar saw a shooting happening in front of a Walgreens. A Chinese exchange student got shot and killed for 100 dollars worth of stuff. Just a few days ago, a 71-year old Chinese man was shot over twenty times. They are coming for the Asians. Repeat: they are coming for the Asians. Do you know what that means? It means,
NO ONE IS SAFE!
Gunfire not quite your cup of tea? Well don’t worry: there is now a carjacking story in the news on a daily basis. Like that has become a fucking trend around here. Stealing cars. And then they…
Well the aftermath is always random and hard to pin down. Sometimes they take the cars and sell them. Sometimes they do a drive-by in them. Sometimes the carjackers drive to McDonald’s and get Chicken McNuggets and then just leave the car in the parking lot. Like, that’s all they wanted. To get some Chicken McNuggets.
So ask yourself:
Can we really blame the car thieves? They were just trying to get some Chicken McNuggets. We’ve all been there before, amirite?
Know what else has gone to shit in Chicago? The public transportation.
I frequently take the “L” train, the local subway system with 8 different color lines, all converging in the middle of the city in a loop shape. And thus, the L stands for “Loop.” Pretty brilliant right?
Anyway, I ride the L roughly 5-10 times a week.
And each time I ride this thing it is like spinning a roulette wheel. It is a gamble bro.
“Will I make it successfully to my destination?” is the prevailing question in my head when I get on the train. And so far, I always have. But sometimes, I ride the train at 3 or 4 in the morning, when I am leaving the bars. And the shit I have encountered has just befuddled me, and not in a good way.
One night I was riding home and there was one other guy on the train, just eye-fucking me the whole time. When I get off my stop he is suddenly standing behind me, despite him sitting on the opposite half of the train cart. When I step off the train, I fake like I am going right but then change direction suddenly–a move designed to shake any potential pursuers.
And guess what? The guy was still behind me. Oh, and know who he looked like? Anderson Paak. The rapper. Even had a bit of his style.
Anyhow, this dude was lurking. I asked where he was going. He said “I don’t know.”
Who the fuck rides a train without knowing where they are going?
And thus, I put my hand on his shoulder, keeping him close range in case he tried to pull a gun or knife. That didn’t happen, and we parted ways without incident.
But if it wasn’t for some on-the-toes thinking, Anderson Paak was surely going to rob me.
Know what else happens in the subway? People smoking blunts. Smoking blunts just all out in the open. And yes, weed is legal in Chicago, as of 2 years ago, but the fact that people are just so casual about it speaks to the lawlessness sense of these train stations.
And honestly, with the money the state is earning after legalizing weed–with the taxes being insanely high–where is this money going? Why can’t they clean up the train stations?
To cope with this degradation in the streets, people in Chicago have merely needed to grow street smart. Well, to grow more street smart. We’re already pretty street smart, so it’s kind of just like a minor upgrade was necessary. Like a robot needing to upgrade its OS. Is that a good analogy?
The pizza here is still best in the world, and sometimes being in the same city as such masterful pizza requires a bit of risk. And sometimes, that risk is “getting shot.”
And if getting shot is what it takes to be able to continue to savor this delectable cheese-laden slice of succulent flavor, then goddammit:
Shoot me in the fucking ass.
