One Year Warning

I just received note that my domain name for this site is expiring… let me check… tomorrow… so I’ve decided this is it.  I’m sick of this shit.  One more year of Explicit Exploits.  And then I am SELLING THE DOMAIN NAME for 10,000 francs.  And let me tell ya, that is a lot of francs!

It’s been awhile since I’ve written so let me try and run you up to speed here:

In my professional life, I’ve since become a full time manicurist, which is cool because as some of you know I have a fetish for nails, so now when my inbred cousins come over and I trim their nails I can store the trimmings in my magic Camelbak bag and waft the aroma in my face in whatever dire situations arise.

I’m sorry, I’ve confused my “professional” life with my “social” life.

In my actual professional life, well, things couldn’t be better.  I just finished my first long in-depth news segment, about the dangers of being a journalist in Mexico, which was several months and trips to Mexico in the making.  I conducted a few of the interviews for the segment, so it was excellent being able to see my work behind-the-scenes make it on TV.

But as you might have presumed, simply being behind-the-scenes is not at all adequate for me, so last week I did just pitch a segment which, if approved, would be my first foray onto the TV screen.  I don’t want to give too much away, but it is kind of like a “Eating with Darby” segment.  Which I gotta say, seems to be going over with the bosses better than my previous pitch, simply titled “Eating Darby”.

I get to travel a good amount in my career, so it’s great that two days hardly ever end up the same.  If someone significant dies, for example, me and the team scramble to confirm all the details, put a story together, and then an hour or two later, watch the story we crafted be broadcast live on Japanese TV.  That’s always a trip.

At home, well, you may have heard, we welcomed a new addition to my family: a couch.  A big black l-shaped couch.  It’s big and comfy and designed for guests.  So I guess what I’m saying is, if you’re trying to come holler at your boy… please refrain from doing so.  I’m not a big fan of hollering.  But I am a fan of sleepovers.  So if you want to come and have a sleepover on the new couch, open invitation (Rastafarians and other non-showerees need not apply).

I am also looking to add another addition to the family, and since me and the wife (happy 3 year anniversary to us) both absolutely despise children, I’m looking to adopt…a pet.

The problem with pets is that they live so long, and nobody wants their pet to die in any manner that isn’t naturally, yet who the fuck wants the same stupid animal for 15 years?  I was leaning towards an iguana, since I’ve had one already and they are fun and can break people’s arms with their tails, but on the other hand they can live up to 20 years.  Way too long.  So then I started researching hedgehogs, and they only last 4, 5 years.  Which is perfect.  So I’m eyeing a hedgehog.  If anyone has any experience with hedgehogs or can tell me what the fuck they eat, holler contact me via social media.

Ya know, I’m not a big TV guy, with WWE being the major exception.  However, I felt like now was as great a time as ever to get into Game of Thrones.  And by “get into” it, I mean watch Season 7 only.  Yeah, there’s like a hundred episodes prior to this season, but fuck it.  I can pick and choose, no?  Although, and this might be related, I have no idea what the fuck is going on.  Seems like a bunch of talking, and people wearing fur coats.  I dunno, I don’t really see what the fuss is all about.

Meanwhile, the ACTUAL greatest show on television just returned on Sunday (after a 2 year hiatus), and that show is Rick and Morty.  It’s animated, and ostensibly stupid, but actually brilliantly written and I recommend it to anyone who has a soul.

Last thing I’ll mention, just because I haven’t been blogging doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing.  One such project I’m working on (with my cousin Melvin) is a fan-fiction, about two of the most legendary lechers of all time: Bill Cosby and Bill O’Reilly.  Anyone who comes up with a name for our story, I’ll use it.  As you would expect, it involves lots of creeping, poking, and peeping.

Well that’s it for now… until next time asshats!