Back with another list! This time, from Korea!
Warning: I’m gonna make a ton of comparisons with Japan, don’t get upset; I just came from Japan so it’s only natural, ok? And they are neighbors after all!
Without further ado, here are my (Darby) notes on the southern half of Korea:
[Attempts highly choreographed K-pop dance, falls off stage]
-Koreans love coffee. There are cafes literally everywhere. Yes, LITERALLY! I even found a coffee shop… in my coffee! (Don’t ask me to explain the logistics, I only drink the stuff.)
-Koreans seem a bit… taller than the Japanese. Just a bit! Maybe it’s because the guys have to do mandatory military service. And that… uh… stretches them… taller? Or something?
-Koreans are more EXPRESSIVE than the Japanese. They’re out here waving their arms around, arguing in public, beeping their car horns and shit. I’ve seen couples holding hands and making out on the street. If you pull this shit in Japan, you get whacked over the head with a bamboo stick! Honestly!
-Alcohol is pretty darn cheap here. A 1/2 liter of beer is just 3 bucks in most restaurants and bars. A bottle of “soju,” Korea’s homemade liquor (which gives you way more drunk mileage) is the same price. Inevitably, you’re gonna be out drinking, mixing the two into a concoction of somek, losing count of how many you bottles you killed, and next thing ya know you wake up in a tree with your trousers missing!
(Incidentally, soju is the best-selling liquor in the world! The Koreans love their booze!)
-Pornography is ILLEGAL IN KOREA! So come along and let’s strengthen our imagination kiddies, because visual material will not be aiding you in your non-stop wank-a-thon!
-Korean people’s English level is… hrmmm, low to high. “Pick a side, dingus!” I can hear my readers saying. Let me put it like this. The younger generation speak perfectly passable—and in some cases, exceedingly well English. The older generation, not so much. And there’s a reason for this.
-The Korean economy only just took off in the last 20 years. And it didn’t just take off, it fucking BLEW UP. South Korea was a poor, slummy third-world nation up until 90’s or the 00’s. And then the government had this novel idea. They said, “Fuck material goods. We’re not gonna export food, or toilet paper, or gym shoes—let’s export CULTURE!
Let’s export POP CULTURE!
Got it! Let’s export… POP MUSIC!
Their plan, while fucking absolutely bonkers and wrought with risk and dire consequences should it fail—didn’t fail—it succeeded with flying colors.
And thus, Korea improved their economic status at breakneck speeds, all the way to becoming the 10th largest economy in the world, which is where they sit at (or around) presently.
-The food is excellent, top-notch. It is, at the very least, on par with Japanese food. There are little side dishes called ban-chan that come with every meal, and guess what? They are free! These almost always include kimchi, which is admittedly, an acquired taste. Some would call it “rotten cabbage.” Some would call it a necessity. Nobody can deny it’s healthiness, though.
On top of that, there are all kinds of soups, rice cake thingies, and the crème de la crème, Korean BBQ, which is just flat-out awesomeness for any meat eating mongrel such as myself.
My buddy “Burger” from back in the states lives in Korea and runs a Youtube channel all about the food. I’ll put the link here because I’m such a good friend. (The channel’s not bad, either.)
Burger N’ Kimchi Food Blog Thing
-I’ve seen a good amount of foreigners in this country, although they tend to stick to certain areas. In Seoul, the hip hood of Hongdae is crawling with ’em, mostly tourists doing their trendy shopping and shit. Over in Itaewon (where that stampede happened last Halloween) there’s a nice blend of locals seeking international companionship, and the ex-pats who live here. Busan (Korea’s second biggest city) is a big more scant on the foreign crew, possibly a better spot to hit if you want more of the “authentic” experience.
-There are two kinds of restaurants: ones that are open until 9 or 10 PM, and ones that are open 24/7. Actually, one thing I’ve seen a lot of in Seoul, is businesses that don’t close. Truly gives off this feeling of having something to do, always.
-Do the girls here all look like the ones in the K-pop videos? One thing’s for sure: Korean girls sure are pretty! They have lovely little faces. How much of them are artificial? Who’s to say—plastic surgery is HUGE out here. That’s like a common Korean’s birthday present when she hits 17: a new nose. Or smaller ears, or something? But anyway yeah, the girls look nice.
HOWEVER, as a foreigner, you don’t automatically have elevated status here. I think it’s maybe the opposite situation as Japan in this regard. Over there, foreigners are cool! Here, they are at the low end of the totem pole. Don’t come over here and plan on banging half of Busan, because that’s not happening.
-Last one: the flusher handle on the toilet—the thing that you touch to make the poopy water disappear—it’s not a knob or handle you push down on—it’s a BUTTON! Took me like a whole week to learn how to flush the toilet here. Apologies for whoever entered the stall after me.
OKAY! That’s all for now! Tell me if I left anything out.
And for those of you wondering: should I visit Korea??
HELL YES YOU SHOULD.
Thanks for reading! XOXO
