I’m back in Japan, and guess what I just realized? This is my 10th trip here (whoa boy!) and with that being said, I think I’m able to make a few comments. About life here. Culture. Society. And all that shit.
DID SOME BODY ORDER A LIST? COMING RIGHT UP!
-In the… last 5 years since I’ve been here, EVERYONE is suddenly speaking English. (WHAT IS THIS, NEW BRUNSWICK, CANADA!??) I didn’t come here to speak English–I came here to practice my Japanese! And when you speak to me in English, of course I gotta respond back in English. It’s in my blood!
-The trains in Tokyo… somehow make LESS sense when you speak Japanese. I mean, I’ve lived in Tokyo before—I should have a leg up! NOPE. The trains make little to no sense. Every train has like 4 different speeds and if you wanna get to the station you intended to go to, better make sure your train is going the right speed! Local, rapid, rapid express, super rapid express, slow-motion super express… UGH! And to make matters worse, there are multiple train COMPANIES running right next to each other. Oh, you got on the JR Line instead of the Odakyu Line? Congratulations, you’re about to wake up in North Korea in 3 hours with a lampshade over your head and your pants gone missing!
-Know what also doesn’t make sense here? The whole trash system! I can’t just eat my instant noodles and throw it in the trash—I need to first find out what the noodles container was made of (plastic, paper, foam, jelly?) and THEN go to the trash room downstairs and stick it in one of 20 available types of trash boxes. There’s a box for batteries! A box for lightbulbs! A box for coat hangers! A box for dead bodies! It’s all so utterly confounding.
-The yen is weak as shit right now, and if you’re not from Japan, you should be over here spending that money BIG. Japan is a place that’s traditionally “pretty expensive,” so if you wanna be eating out and drinkin’ booze every day (as you should be), then you can do it now with no reserve. Last time I was here, I would take out 10,000 yen at the ATM and it cost about 110 USD. This time around, 10,000 yen costs me only 79 bucks! Hot damn! (Hop in, kids! We’re going to the maid cafe! Again!)
-GIRLS. Okay, let’s just get this out of the way: Japanese girls walk bow-legged with their feet sticking in, they are exceedingly luxury brand conscious, and they cry during sex. That’s right. THEY CRY. During sex. Also they have bad teeth, but that’s a Japanese thing, not exclusive to the women They are skinny and short, which isn’t the best combination, especially if you are addicted to Latinas with titties bursting out of their crop tops. If you’re trying to meet Japanese girls online, good luck; they hide their faces in every photo they post of themselves.
In other words: Japanese women are the complete package, easy 10/10
-Japanese people are so committed to whatever their endeavor is, it makes you feel really ashamed of yourself. They show up early to work and they put in 110% effort each and every single day, regardless of their occupation. The garbage men are out here singing and tap dancing while they empty trash cans into the truck. People at McDonald’s nearly headbutt you by bowing so low and respectfully when you order your Teriyaki Burger XL. Hell, even the monkeys at the zoo don’t throw shit at you, even when you ask them to.
I guess at some point the joke up above went from “Japanese people work hard” to “Japanese people have manners,” which is another point I wanted to make, so I’m gonna let it slide. They’re so polite and so helpful, that even if you get lost, you’re never truly lost, because all you have to do is ask someone where you’re at, and regardless of that person’s English capabilities, they will find someone to communicate to you where you need to go and how to get there.
-The toilet seats are heated, and I swear to god if the rest of the world would adopt this small little quirk, we would solve war, famine, and deforestation in the Amazon right now.
Well, that’s all the shit I can think about now. Let me know if you wanna hear me speak about some other aspects of Japanese society. And look for my Hanami video coming to my Youtube soon. Kampai!
